10 Steps to a Mediated Moment

One of things I adore about Mediated Learning is how empowered you feel in the area of connection and communication with your child or spouse. (Oh yeah, ML is for your marriage too!)

As I've gone through labelling my blog, I've realized that there is no basic "How To" for having a mediated moment.

Perhaps this can paint a picture for you. ( I will use on the Core in this example)

First we need an area that needs mediating. This can be a conflict, a problem or a new situation that requires learning new skills for your child. Here's how to make a Mediated Moment:

1. Identify the problem. You and your child keep butting heads but what is the real reason? Is it their attitude? Your attitude? Do they feel incompetent? Are they afraid of trying something new and acting out at you? Ask yourself some questions to identify the problem and pray asking God to give you insight.

2.Strategize. Once you identify the problem, take a moment to gather some memories of past successes in an area of challenge. Make a note of some of the expressions or behaviours that happen whenever this problem comes up. Find a scripture to encourage your child. Basically, use this time to prepare yourself for HOW you want to achieve breakthrough with your child and have some examples handy.

3.Set the stage. If you are new to this, tell your child you are going to use some mediational tools to help overcome the challenge in this area and that your goal is to walk away with them in unity and to resolve this problem together. (You are already engaging in intentionality in this step) A simple statement such as, "I've noticed that we keep running into hurdles in math and I'd like to talk to you about how we can overcome them together." Confirm to them that you are working with them.

4.Play with a full team. Make sure your child is in agreement with you. This is reciprocity.They need to be engaged and looking at you.

5.Make it Meaningful. When taking on a problem, you need to help your child see WHY this needs to change. Infuse it with meaning so they can see the significance in what they are doing. We naturally answer these questions when our children ask, "Why am I doing this?" "What is this good for?" Bringing reason behind WHY will help your child understand what they need to do in order to learn or change.

6. Be Like a Bridge over Troubled Water . Bridging is when you make connections between current learning and previous experiences. These connections are often made by referencing life in the home, the community and the world. You may find yourself saying something like, "Do you remember when you completed that task that was difficult last week (month or year ago--connecting them with past successes)?" or " Where do you think this skill would come in handy in working on a team?"(painting a picture of future need of this skill) or "How do you think this skill will help you when you are older and living on your own?"

7. Ask and Be Quiet. If you still are unsure about what to do in a mediated situation, ask questions. And then be quiet and listen. You can learn so much from your child just by asking questions with a sincere desire to find out how they are handling this situation. Some great open ended questions to get you started are, "What do you mean by...?" "Can you explain further?" "How do you feel when...?"

8. That Lovin' Feeling. After you've talked with your child you should both leave knowing that you have been heard and understood. It won't always be a hallmark moment feeling especially if you have teenagers who grunt, but it should feel as though progress was made and a breakthrough occurred and there is now an understanding, if not a desire to attempt to learn or change.

9. Go Back . Upon reflection, if you realize that you missed out on bringing a good sense of Meaning to the discussion or any other element, go back and say, "You know, I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier and I realized that..." There is no shame in going back to square one and saying, "I'd like to tackle this again." Remember, you are learning too.

10. Celebrate.When you and your child conquer the challenge to learn or master something that was difficult, celebrate. High fives, special tea, pat on the back, words of praise, etc. are important. Together you have worked hard to achieve it and you need to set a habit of celebrating the accomplishment of great things. After all, you always want to leave your child in the place of success.