Monday, February 21, 2011

The ZIPPER technique

The acronym of ZIPPER.

Zip your mouth.
Identify your problem
Put Yourself in Control
Evaluate your Options

Peace in the Time of War

"Stop hitting your sister!"
"That's enough! Quit talking rudely."
On and on it goes, lately.
What to do with all that bickering?

I have been using the Young Peacemaker guide book to help my children understand conflict. This is an excellent resource for families.

We are going through the guide slowly (which means, I am still on lesson one after three months of using this book). Anyway, the Young Peacemaker has a great illustration:

It's the Slippery Slope.
We've talked about this slope extensively. And wouldn't you know it? I have one child who likes to use the ESCAPE approach when confronted with conflict. The other uses ATTACK mode.
We've had a lot of discussions about this and how it makes each person feel.
We're working on using peacemaking solutions.

Now when I hear the fighting or the bickering commence, I usually have to say, "What slope are you on?"
I usually hear one of the kids say, "Slippery Slope!"
"And what are you going to do?"

Sometimes they answer and say, "Get back to solid ground and work it out."
And sometimes they pretend they didn't hear me as they sit on their sibling and give them a "snake bite" arm burn.
I have to believe that at some point....SOME POINT....they will truly catch on to this whole concept of being a Peace maker. I am undeterred.

In the mean time, you won't want to meet them in a back alley on a dark night. Not unless you want some serious snake bites.

Criteria Focus: Self-Regulation

Monday, February 14, 2011

Blog Update

My husband will be undergoing surgery this week therefore I will not be posting to the blog for the next few days.
Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
I'll be posting next week.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Alien Who Does Chores Pt. 2

Click here to read part one of "The Alien Who Does Chores"

I've been working on strengthening the cognitive function of Expressive Verbal Tools in our family lately.
One way I have been doing this is by playing a game with my kids where I will do something with them but pretend I am an alien visiting earth and they have to instruct me in the human ways of doing certain tasks, games and chores. This requires them to use their verbal skills to tell me how do a task.
We're having a lot of fun learning together.

Here's the second half of doing the chores in our bathroom, where my eldest daughter instructs me in the ways of cleaning a toilet.

We go through the initial start up of finding a cloth and a spray to use for our job. Once supplies are handy, I ask, "What do I do?"
"Well, you spray the bottle."
I spray her.
"Mom! Why did you do that?"
"You told me to spray."
She gives me a little scowl. "Not funny, Mom."
"Ok. I apologize. I need specific instruction though. What do you want me to spray and clean?"
"The outside of the toilet."
"Where do I start?"
"There." She points at the toilet.
I explain that I don't understand hand gestures and that I need a full verbal explanation of what she means.
"This thing, right here." She points to the toilet lid, a bit exasperated.
"Does that part have a name?"
"I don't know what it's name is!" Her voice is annoyed and she's started to lose sight of the fun that can be had in this game.
"Oh. It's called the lid."
"Well, clean the lid then."
I stop with spray bottle in hand. "Are we going to ask nicely?"
She's tempted to roll her eyes. I can tell. "Pleassssssse."
I accomplish the job with panache and ask her what's next.
"You have to wash that part there."
We go through the task working on labelling 'this part'. It's called the 'tank'.
"Why do I need to do this?" I ask. I am searching for HER meaning behind this project.
"Because you told me to do it this way."
"Any other reason why it's good to do."
She shrugs. "Helps it get clean, I guess."
I finish my job and she asks me to do the top of the tank. It's a slow process as she is frustrated by explaining each part of the job. She directs me to wipe down the base of the toilet and I ask her what I should clean.
"Well, I usually just do this side, because I find it hard to do the other side."
(this is a bit of a revelation to me as I had be assuming that she was doing this part of the job. I am a bit shocked to find out that it is much dustier than it should be.)
"How come you haven't done the other side of the base?" I ask.
"Well, it's hard to get to it because that side is close to the bathtub, so I just don't do it."
"Hmmmm..." I say.
I do nothing at the moment, but later recognize that this fits into a pattern of avoiding Challenge.
Later on we'll talk about why it's important to finish a task all the way to the end. For now, I notice that her enthusiasm has waned significantly and she is no longer having fun with our task.
"Ok, captain, what do I do next?"
"Mom, how long are we doing this for?"

And with that, she's done. Bored and disengaged.
But I started this task and by gosh, we're going to finish it!
Ignoring her disconnection, I ask how to clean the remaining parts of the toilet. It goes about as well as a headache.
When the job is done. We're both relieved and leave each other and the bathroom to find something better to do.

I start to the task of vigorously washing down my kitchen table. It's been done already but cleaning makes my mind work best. I'm annoyed at myself and my failed attempt at Cognitive growth.
In the midst of scrubbing I realize several things:
1. I didn't explain the whole "Alien cleans the Bathroom" very well. With my five year old, I was very careful to explain what I was doing and why. With my eight year old, I gave her a bare bones description assuming that she had paid attention when I worked with her younger sister.
2. I sprayed her at the start to be funny, but since she didn't get the concept of why I was doing that, she just got annoyed and disengaged from the whole process.
3. I recognize that she had a hard time telling me what to do because certain terms (like tank and lid) weren't defined to her. Yet, I'm not sure if this is an accurate representation of her knowledge because she was disengaged and annoyed through the whole process. So I decide on another solution:

We'll try it again!

Only first we'll start with a task that she likes, and then we'll move back to this one.
Because it's important to do things in the "easy-hard" step-dance way. I'll do something that is easy for her (something that she loves) and then I will ask her to do something hard (something that is a challenge and she isn't especially affectionate towards).

I'll keep you posted and let you know how that goes!

Mediating CF receptive verbal tools, expressive verbal tools

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Workshop #2 Where to Get Started

If you have recently attended Workshop 2, here are some things to get you off to a quick start:


Remember the Core & Criteria

Use Process Questions

Introduce and/or Review Self-Regulation

Be in Control Yourself

Review Structural Cognitive Modifiability

Learn to Identify the phases of the Mental Act of Thinking

Focus on strengthening the following Cognitive Functions

*Receptive Verbal Tools and Concepts
*Expressive Verbal Tools
* Linguistic Intelligence
*Inner Speech
*Data Gathering-
-click here to get ideas on how to strengthen this cognitive function
-click here to read a post on precision and accuracy
*Data Output


Things to Observe sheet (found in your notes)
Comic Strip
Human Figure Drawings
Review Videos
Attend Future Workshops

*Believe that change is possible
*Make an honest commitment to become mediational
*Be willing to put other things aside in order to mediate

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Alien who Does Chores Pt.1

...or working on Expressive Verbal Tools Cognitive Function

Today I decided to give my kids a treat.
I offered to do their bathroom chores. They were thrilled.
Of course, I had something in mind.

I told them that I was an alien from outer space and new to the customs of planet Earth.
I was willing to do their task for them but they would have to tell me exactly how to do it as I had no idea how to go about cleaning a toilet or washing out a sink.

First up was my youngest daughter, who giggled profusely at the thought of me being an alien.
I made a weird face and that helped her visualize it.

"First," she said, "you get the spray bottle."
"Where is it?" I asked.
"Oh, it's under the kitchen sink."
She's right. I fetch it and bring it back. "What's next?"
"You need to get a cloth."
"Where is it?"
"Under the kitchen sink?"
I sigh dramatically. "I was just there." I return with the cloth.
"Ok, now spray the sink."
So I do....even though there are some items on the sink that should be removed. But I am an alien and only following orders. I don't know anything about asking to remove the items.
"Wait! Wait!" she bellows. "You have to remove the soap container and my toothbrush."
I ask her where they go. She tells me and I follow my orders.
"Now, what do I do?"
She smiles, "Now, you spray."
I spray willy-nilly and get a little creative with my spraying.
"Stop! You need to spray here and here, like this."
I tell my commander that I don't understand demonstrated actions. I only understand words and she has to tell me exactly how to do the job.
"Oh." She thinks for a moment, then proceeds to give me a step by step instruction of how to spray the sink. She exchanges the word "here" for the correct label of "faucets" and "the outside of the sink" (we have a stand alone sink with no counter around it).
Once the spraying is done she informs me that I am to start the scrubbing of the sink.
"Pick up the cloth." Check.
"Wipe it." No Check.
"What's 'it'?" I ask.
She laughs, "Mom!"
"Whose this Mom? I am an alien. I don't know any Mom."
She giggles some more and then explains exactly how I am supposed to wipe out the sink using words and directions that this alien can understand.
"Good job," she pronounces. "now you are done."
"Yay!" I drop the cloth on the floor and head out the door.
"Wait! Come back."
I return.
"You have to put it away."
" 'I't what?" I ask
"It. The cloth! It goes in the laundry room when you are done with it."
I am looking for meaning, so I ask, "Why?"
"Because you are done cleaning with it. It has become dirty and germy and needs to get clean."
I put the cloth in the laundry room and return. I am informed that I must return the spray bottle to it's home under the kitchen sink.
I do.
Then my daughter gives me a hug and tells me that I clean pretty well for an alien.


Some thoughts:
When pursuing this activity, I was wanting to see if my daughter could give me the correct labels for words that she commonly called "this", "it" and "here".
*I didn't follow any actions that she tried to do in showing me how to clean the sink. I wanted her to verbally direct me on how to do the task.
*I was also looking to see how much she retained from the times I have taught her how to clean the sink. Did she remember all that I taught her? If not, was it because my training was poorly done or her ability to grab all the information is impaired?
*Could she provide me with HER meaning on why certain tasks were important to this job
*I wanted her to have fun as we looked at this cognitive function, and being a space alien made for a lot of laughs.

Monday February 7 2011

Train blocks
a few rounds of Mastermind
Reading White Fang aloud
Working on Receptive tools Cognitive Function
Making cookie snacks
Learning about Brazil--making an info board
Working on behaviour and understanding our emotions
Mozart listening
song singing
snow play--indoor and out
map making
writing stories
learning about contractions
exasperating Mom with horrible penmanship--gasp!
icing spoon licking!

Friday February 4th 2011-Chinese New Year

Gung Hay Fat Choy

We had some wonderful friends over today to celebrate Chinese New year.
My hubby was on hand for a bit and I got a few photos. Nothing makes me miss my camera more than a party

Here's some of the fun

Dragon making--egg carton dragons--see here
Read A Grain of Rice
Played Chopstick races
Made and ate Spring rolls, noodle wrapped shrimp, and won-tons. yum!
Homemade Chinese Fortune cookies with encouraging scriptures tucked inside
Ink drawings and characters
Creating a play out of a Grain of Rice
Red Jell-o cut-outs of rabbits--it's the year of the Rabbit!
Outside play
Costumes and dress up

and the overwhelming feeling that my eldest said best: "When our friends leave, suddenly it feels boring and the house feels empty."

Thursday February 3 2011

Party planning
Bird making
Chinese ink writing
tea drinking
umbrella forts
connect four
more Pippi Longstocking
White Fang reading
map making
drawing, drawing, drawing
Diego games

February 2nd -GroundFROG day

The day started bright and shiny. We had no groundhog, but a stuffed frog did the trick.
Our GroundFrog say his shadow :(

Pippi Longstocking read aloud--plllleeeease one more chapter
Dice games for math and spelling
Drawings for family
dot to dot
drawings of Pippi
Groundhog Day crafts (pop-up puppets)
silhouette drawings
tea party with dolls
Mastermind game
Watched Harry the Dirty Dog
hung bananas off the curtain rod so that we could play monkeys
Said that when you get married you want to have a wild wedding and have everyone dress up like fruit. You want to be a banana.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


Hey Everyone!
For those of you who have been checking my blog, you will have noticed that there isn't any new posts.
That's happened for two reasons:
1.My husband has been slated for surgery in the next few weeks, so priorities have once again shifted and the blog is low on the list in the oight of this event
2. I've also been working with the ML team on creating a few QuickStart Guides that you can use immediately following a workshop. Work is on going but I will have something to post for Workshop #2 shortly.

In the meantime, I appreciate your understanding and patience as I focus on my family.
Feel free to peruse the site. There are many articles that you may find helpful.

Back online soon