A Place for Lonely Hearts on Mother's Day

To the girl who sits in shaded silence today because her mother died at a young age; you have travelled years of growing up and growing into yourself and look for her whisper of approval in every woman that you have come close to. You've bravely stared today in the face and softly said the words,"I still remember you."

Today can be a lonely day.

To the girl who dreads this day and stays home from church, because she can't bear to hear that there are great moms to honour when she was robbed of that affection from a selfish woman who loved her unhealthy habits more than herself...more than her kids. You are familiar with the feeling of something being not quite right and asking yourself, "Why couldn't I be enough for her?Why would she do that to me?" You quietly ask yourself, "Will I ever do that to my kids?" And then swear to yourself you won't.

Today can be a lonely day.

To the girl who is made to feel small by her mother's words. Whose choices today constantly bring the disapproving sneer and the hard words that hit you across the heart. You wear the brave face of a soldier and weather her comments about your choices and how you are raising your kids.

Today can be a lonely day.

To the girl who is far away from family and watches as everyone else gathers in homes to celebrate, who picks up the phone and tries her best to say the words "I love you" but knowing that a hug would mean more; who struggles with being far away from all that is familiar.

Today can be a lonely day.

And yet the Lord is here.

Jesus will meets us in all of our weaknesses and bring comfort to those who mourn, and hope to the weary. He has placed you here, in the Body of Christ, where you are loved and appreciated for being a Daughter of the King.

He has a destiny and a plan for you.

Psalm 68:6 says so.

He sets the lonely in families.

Today doesn't have to be so lonely.

Lilies Grow in Valleys

There was a time not too long ago where I walked in complete brokenness.

A time when I cried in the shower a lot.

I was broken. Severed. Cut in half.

And I wasn't even sure why. I had just reached a point where the proverbial last straw was put on the camel's back.

You see, my husband and I felt that the Lord was leading us to leave my husband's very high paying job. So we did.

We felt that God wanted him to take a job in another city (one we used to live in and LOVED). So we did.

We felt very strongly that He wanted us to move to this town. My husband had spent the last 18 months working two weeks away from us and then home for six days. We felt the Lord really wanted us to be together and that He wanted to bring us a fresh start. So we moved.

Even though, our house had not sold.

But as we prayed, we knew that God wanted us to trust Him to sell it.

So we did.

And He provided money for both our two bedroom rental and our house mortgage.

And then my husband lost his job.

It. was. gone.

And so I would cry in the shower.

And cry in the car.

And cry in my room.

I would say, "God, I thought I heard Your voice. You promised that Your sheep hear Your voice. But God, You told us to take this job. You led us to move here and uproot our family to this town. You told us to do this and now it is all falling apart. I was obedient, I followed Your voice. You owe me."

Uh-oh.

Did I really believe that in my heart?

I did.

I thought God owed me.

And that's exactly what God wanted to put His finger on in my life. Somehow I had developed this idea that "if I scratch Your back, You'll scratch mine." I did. With the King of Kings. With the Creator of the Universe. I thought I could have Him owe me.

Such silly nonsense.

I bowed my head, "Lord, I'm so full of pride that I would allow my heart to be angry with You. I created expectations that You would do certain things for me. You have only asked me to trust You--You never told me that moving here would make my life rosy, You only told us to move here and to trust You. Forgive me for putting false expectations on You. Show me what You would have me do next."

Worship Me.

Now, I know you are all thinking that I immediately started praising Jesus for all His goodness and all His attributes of faithfulness.

Nope.

I yelled and pounded a pillow with my fist and say,"I don't want to thank You for the pit that I am in. You put me here, remember? OK, wait, forgive me for blaming You. But I hate it here. Why would I ever thank You for Your goodness when this feels so not good?"

Silence.

"Ok. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for being faithful to me even when I yell at You. Thank You that Your kindness leads me to repentance. Continue to be kind to me, Father. Thank You that in the midst of this turmoil You will turn things for good and You will be glorified. Thank You...thank You...thank You."

And just like a bud on a tree blossoms, I opened up under the tender hand of God. Scales fell off my eyes and I saw something that I had forgotten.

He is faithful.

And if He asks me to follow Him then I will follow Him. The way of Christ is full of suffering among joy, peace and love. Anyone who tells you different is schlepping another gospel.

Christ asks us to follow Him. He laid down His life. He served, poured out, laid down all his ambitions and dreams to serve the Father's will. And He calls us to do the same. We're naive to think that that won't cost us something.

It will cost you everything.

But the pleasures of loving Jesus far surpass any dream, any hope, any thing I could pursue on my own and for myself. For He is lovely and worthy of all honour, glory and praise.

I love how Graham Cooke says it, "If you are frustrated right now, it's a sure sign that the real issue is your maturity...the issue with us is not frustration, it is "how much patience do I have? How much faithfulness am I displaying?" That's the real issue. If you feel frustrated, if you feel thwarted, if you feel that things are held up then you have the wrong terminology for the lifestyle that God wants to give you. God is not frustrated. He is patient. It's impossible to be frustrated if you are patient."

I can do that God. I can allow You to change my heart. To stop being frustrated and to start being patient and to allow You to produce depth of character in me.

I will submit to that...even in the shower.

[SHE SAID] I am only a little rose or autumn crocus of the plain of Sharon, or a [humble] lily of the valleys [that grows in deep and difficult places].

Song of Solomon 2:1, emphasis added by me, Amplified version

Garments of Praise

This mountain of clothes came to me slowly over time.

First, they arrived from a Greyhound bus from my older sister. She was passing down all the special clothes her girls wore.

Then my sister-in-law sent suitcases full of little girl clothes with family members. She was passing down all the special clothes her girls wore.

Surrounded by such abundant love, it was a year and a half before I had to purchase my first article of clothing for my daughter.

And the clothes kept arriving.

Because kids grow and they need special clothes that are filled with love.

These garments have been held close as I thanked the One who takes care of all my needs.

These garments have been washed and made clean reminding me of how God does that with my heart.

These garments have heard every prayer I've murmured over my babies, every supplication for their health, every whispered promise of trust for their future.

And today these garments were once again prayed over.

Garments of Praise, they are.

Garments filled with thankfulness for being so blessed and so loved. To have clothes and more importantly, to have someone to put into these clothes.

As I said "Amen," I wondered about the young mothers at the pregnancy crisis center who would be getting them.

Would there daughters take their first steps in the purple outfit or the soft pink jumper?

Would they gather their child in their arms and pause and give thanks that they had made the decision to keep their child?

Would these clothes once again become garments of praise for someone else?

I pray so.

Broken and Spilled Out

The woman with the alabaster box has always been a story that has connected with me.

I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I hope that, if I lived in the day and the hour that she lived in, I would be her. I would come to Jesus with oil that cost so very much and I would pour it on Him.

The Bible says she broke open the box and washed the Lord's feet with her hair. How intimate-how worshipful.

I think about when my hair was long I would wash it with flavored shampoo so that at night when I would go to sleep, my hair by my face, I would go to sleep smelling the wonderful smells of wildflowers or exotic fruit. And now, I think about this woman who washed the smelliest, dirtiest part of Jesus' body with this fragrant perfume-how did her hair smell that evening?

Did it smell to her like the picture of her life--smelly and dirty mistakes overwhelmed by the scent of His majesty?

She committed herself to the act of worship when she broke that box. The oil spilled out, never to be recaptured or contained again--it now had the purpose of serving the King of Kings.

How I long to live my life this way...broken and spilled out for the purpose of serving the King of Kings. I long to never be contained again with the way that I passionately love my Saviour. Never again to be afraid to share His name or the power and truth of His cross. Never to back down from giving Him glory...all the glory.

Lord, I commit my life to You. There is nothing You can't have. There is nothing that You ask for that I won't give You. There is nothing that I will withhold from the One I love with my life. Ask for any of it. Ask for all of it. I will freely give it to the One who is so kind and accepts all gifts.

Even those gifts that are broken and spilled.

Marriage--The Bitter Truth

I've been re-reading the book the Excellent Wife and just had to share this selection from Chapter 3. It is a favourite and never grows old for me.

A chapter from the Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Principle #3 Bitterness Hinders Love ( don't let the title deter you!)

Many of the wives I have counseled have told me they were not bitter, they were however "hurt". Gently, I explain to them that the emotions of feeling "hurt" or "resentful" are usually how you feel when you are bitter. There are several common signs of bitterness. As you read through the following list, ask yourself if you are manifesting any of these signs:

(OK, BUCKLE UP BECAUSE HERE IS WHERE GOD'S SWORD IS ABOUT TO DIVIDE BETWEEN SOUL AND SPIRIT- :)

Common Signs of Bitterness
1. Gossip and slander
In the process of complaining, the wife gossips about him and slanders her husband, thereby defiling others.She has either nothing or very little that is good to say about him.

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled...
Hebrews 12:15-17

2.Ungrateful and Complaining
The wife is not grateful to her husband.She murmurs to herself and complains to others about him

Do all things without grumbling or disputing...Phil. 2:14

3.Judges Motives
Whatever he does is suspect in her eyes. Even if he does something nice, she thinks his motive must be off. For example, "He only did that to look good to his parents." "I know it seemed like a nice gesture, but he didn't really mean it."

Therefore do not go one passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God. 1 Corinthians 4:5

4.Self-Centered
The wife spends a lot of time thinking about herself. She is very self-absorbed. Her focus is fixed on herself and the hurts done against her.

...do not merely look out for your own personal interests...Phil. 2:4

5.Excessive Sorrow
Grief and hurt has crowded out any joy, peace or love that she used to have. It has, in fact, filled up her heart. It may, at times, overwhelm her.

But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. John 16:6

6. Vengeful
The wife looks for ways to avoid her husband. Perhaps she leaves when he is home, pouts or gives him the cold shoulder. she is paying him back for what he has done to her.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone...Never take your own personal revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God... Romans 12:17,19

7. Brooding
The wife broods about what her husband has done. She thinks about it often and plays it over and over in her mind.

Love does not take into account a wrong suffered. 1 Cor. 13:5

8.Loss of Joy
Lately, the wife has little or no delight in her relationship with the Lord. Because of her sin, instead of God's peace and joy, she is experiencing intense emotional pain and misery.

And I shall delight in Thy commandments which I love. Psalm 119:47

9. A Critical, Judgmental Attitude
It is difficult for the wife to take her focus off what her husband has done wrong and foucs instead on what she is doing wrong.

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matt. 7:5


If your husband has hurt you, it will help if you take a moment and think about what percentage of the problems in your marriage are his responsibility and what are your fault. For example, suppose you believe that the problems in your marriage are 40% your fault and 60% his responsibility.

God wants you to begin biblcally dealing with your bitterness by taking 100% responsibility for your 40%.

Loving the Unlovely

I wrote this over a year ago...

Lately, I've been praying a prayer that goes something like this, "God, send me to the unlovely. Send me to the least loved, I will go and love them. I will be Jesus to them."

Yesterday, as I walked to work, the Spirit of God was stirring in my heart. I could tell God was preparing my heart for something but I didn't know what.

About ten minutes after we opened the store, a man came in. He looked at us and started sobbing. His daughter had committed suicide the night before. He wept for a half hour and continually cried, "I want to see my child. I want to see her again. Just one more time."

Then his story came spilling out. A horrid childhood and a life of crime as a gang member of Hell's Angels. An alcoholic to drown out the pain that rings in his ears of the years of committing murder and other acts of violence. It made him a bad father, he said. I wasn't a good father and I couldn't help her, he said. I'm worth nothing, he said.

I told him about Jesus and His love for him. And he said, "I keep hearing that. Everywhere I go."

So we had a discussion about how God gets our attention. He chases us down, He is not content until we know His incredible love for us.

His love ruins us to what would seem like the pleasures of this life. Those things taste chalky and dry compared to His love. His overwhelming love. His perfect love. I can't fathom it, I can only ask for more of it. More of it to have...to give away.

After this man left the store, I hid in the employee lounge for a few moments and fell on my face before God. I was overwhelmed with God's heart for this man. And I heard Him ask me, "Are you still willing to love those who others reject?"

I thought for a moment. This man was drunk, in despair, rambling, smelly, snot-covered and tried to hug me twice inappropriately. I, myself, didn't want to stand and cry with him. I wanted to walk away.

But then God's heart of love for this man overwhelmed me. And I had to stay. I had to tell him that he was loved. That forgiveness of all the sins that play over in his head every night was available to him.

"Am I willing to love those who others reject?"

I am. And I know that I cannot do it in my own strength but He can love through me.

How about you? Are you willing to love the broken? Are you willing to lay yourself aside for the things that are dear to God's heart?

Marshmallows for Jesus

I've been camped out in John 14:13 lately.

"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father."

To be quite honest, many times I was focused on the first part of that scripture: Jesus will do whatever I ask in His name.

That in itself is huge...as long as it goes hand in hand with the second part: SO THAT the Son may bring glory to the Father.

It's changed the way I pray. It's helped me realize that maybe my motives haven't been as pure as I thought. Maybe sometimes I was more interested in getting glory than watching Jesus bring pleasure to the Father.

I am camped out here today.

Marshmallows, anyone?

Cracked, Chipped and Broken

God uses my house to talk to me. Does He do that with you?

This is a picture of my kitchen.

What you see on the outside is lovely isn't it? Maybe it's even caused a few of you to think, "how can I make my kitchen be more..."

At least that's what I do when I'm on other people's blogs and they seem to have amazing kitchens.

But come closer. Take a look. See this stain on the counter.

Borax. Javex. Baking soda --can't get rid of it.

And every time I see it on the counter, I find myself thinking about how I've stained my life with sin, and how only His blood can wash me clean.

Check out this: It's broken.

It can't fix itself.

Just like me.

I'm reminded that I need some tender, loving care to be made whole again. And I need work. But I'm in capable and skilled hands. Scarred hands that will make all things new and not just fix me, but restore me to wholeness.

And what about over here. This cupboard...so chipped it embarrasses me.

But every time I look at it, I lay down my pride and embarrassment and go straight for thankfulness. I have a cupboard. I have a house. I have a family that lives in this house.

And somehow, through all the quirks of marred character it is becoming a holy habitation.

A place where His story is told.

A place where His glory dwells.