FAILED. Foiled. Fueled.

I started our new season of learning with a bang!

And then the bang fizzled, sputtered and eventually died out.

Leg surgery can really knock a girl out.

Along with an unexpected stomach virus.

Bah!

Any plans I had of taking off with great speed this year failed.

Instead, it was a week of audiobooks on CD.

One good thing came out of it, though. When I asked my son what color my legs were he learned a new colour: purple.

Apparently the doctors aren't kidding when they say your legs are severely bruised after varicose vein surgery.

They didn't lie about the pain either.

I sat in my chair feeling low.

And then dizzy.

You think you feel bad recovering from surgery, but the truth is, you don't know bad until you are recovering from surgery AND have a stomach virus.

And let me just describe it to you in the most verbose way I have available at 6 am: it was bad.

I'm sure that clears everything up for you.

On Tuesday, I looked at my watch. It was the 13th of September.

Last year, this time, I was flying high with how much fun we were having in our new school year. My kids and I had come home singing, "Where are you going charming Billy?" after a day filled with fun at the Wisdom Home School BBQ. We tumbled through the doors of our home only to find a message that told me my husband was in a work related accident and in the emergency room.

Has it really been a year?

I looked down the hall and watched my husband walk into his office to study. He's endured months of physio, a surgery, re-training and more physio. Now he waits for word on his next surgery.

It has been a long year.

I wanted this year to be different.

Last year was a blur. I don't even know if we learned anything other than how to get in and out of a car to drive to physio. I looked over my daily learning photos and realize that somehow in the midst of the craziness, we did learn something.

My attempts to start this year seemed foiled, somehow.

I am drained of physical energy, low on enthusiasm and thinking of the year ahead has made me take another painkiller.

Seriously?

This is not the way to begin a new year.

I lay on my bed and talk to God. "Tell me about interruptions," I ask.

I am reminded of the story in Luke 8:40-56. Jesus was headed over to heal a sick girl whose father's name was Jairus. But on the way, He stopped and said, "Who touched me?"

It was revealed that a woman with a issue of blood had dared to touch Jesus, and in doing so became healed. Jesus told her that her faith had made her well. While this exchange went on, Jairus' servants came and told them to not bother coming--the daughter had died.

Jesus was not to be interrupted. He told them, "Don't be afraid, just believe and she will be healed." Jesus went in to see the girl, admidst mocking and laughing from those who thought the situation was impossible. He told the girl to get up and immediately her spirit returned to her. She was alive!

Jesus set out to see Jairus' daughter, but was interrupted. The interruption brought healing to a woman who was in desperate need of restoration. The interruption suddenly seemed to have been time wasted when the servant announced Jairus' daughter had died. Jesus didn't think so. He went about continuing the work He set out to do and raised the girl from the dead.

Maybe interruptions are just a detour of a healing work God is doing in our lives.

And maybe they are actually setting the stage for something more spectacular. Perhaps they are even the prelude to an event that will grow your faith like never before--even resurrecting something that everyone thought was dead.

Suddenly, I don't feel so off track with our new school year.

I actually feel full. Ready to embrace the journey no matter the shape it takes.

I'm fueled up for the ride ahead.

Bring it on!

Counting Laundry Bottles for Jesus

" Lead me to those who need You today, Jesus. Bring across my path anyone who is the least of these and let me love them with Your love."

This is the prayer I pray every time I walk to work.

It's led me to have some interesting encounters.

Today was no different.

At ten o'clock in the morning a little girl wandered into the store I work at. She was without supervision. We started talking. I learned that she was seven, that she was walking around down town by herself and that she was supposed to be in school but didn't want to go.

I called someone over and explained what was going on. They said they would take care of things. A grandmother was called, words were exchanged and someone planned to come and get her.

I invited her to stock the shelves with me. We played math games.

"If I put one laundry detergent bottle on the shelf and we started with six, how many do you have left?"

She looks up at the ceiling...thinking. "Hmmmm. Five?"

"Yes."

We play like this for twenty minutes or so. We high-five her brilliant deductions, we celebrate her sounding out letters on the name brand labels and we smile when we empty all the boxes.

And then it was time for her to go. I walked her to the door and told her that she was the best shelf-stocker I had worked with in a long time. She smiled and waved goodbye.

As I walked back to the boxes, I heard God whisper, "Thank you."

I stopped. "For what, God?"

"For loving Me today."

I wanted to shake that thought away. I didn't change this girl's situation. I didn't even tell her about Christ. We simply counted laundry bottles together.

"I was hungry and you fed Me. That little girl wanted attention today, she wanted to be told she was smart and was helpful. So I sent her into the store today because I knew you would show her My kindness. What you did for the least of these, you did for Me."

I wanted to cry.

It would be okay. I am in the aisle where we stock Kleenex.

I think about this for the remaining two hours of my shift. I think about how God's kindness leads us to repentance. How we can be kind to others and it can lead them to knowing God's love.

And sometimes, showing His kindness to others leads us to repentance. It is ourselves who find the need to repent.

Repenting for times lost when it only takes a moment to love and we passed it by.

Repentance for thinking that doing the great, big flashy deeds only count as serving God.

Repentance for judging all of the outside of a situation, but forgetting that at the core is a little girl who needs some kindness.

I want to be known as someone who showed others God's kindness.

And in the process, let it find me on bended knee, claiming Christ as my saving grace and only strength.

--

I included the version with lyrics on screen. The chorus rings true for today, non?

Getting Ready for the New School Year

For those of you who read my blog, you may be wondering why I am writing about Planning for the New School Year.

My photos of daily learning clearly show that if we were to define how we homeschool it would fall into the Natural Learning or Unschooling column.

So....what do I do to get ready for the next year if I let learning unfold naturally? Do I set goals?

Well, shocker...yes I do.

Here's how I get ready for the new school year.

I pray.

I ask God for wisdom and direction for our new year.

I usually use the scripture from Luke 2:40 to set my goals. This scripture talks about how Jesus grew up.

And the Child grew and became strong in spirit, filled with wisdom; and the grace (favor and spiritual blessing) of God was upon Him.

Amplified version.

I once read about a mom who broke this scripture down into four areas of growth.

1.Growing (physically)

2. Growing in wisdom and knowledge

3. Growing in favour with God

4. Growing in favor with man

I pray and ask questions regarding these four areas.

1. Physically

What can we do this year to grow healthy and strong?

Do we need to look at our food and diet differently?

What things will we incorporate into our diet this year?

What areas of hygiene need more attention?

What kind of exercise are we getting?

How often are we getting outside?

2. Growing in wisdom and knowledge

What areas are we curious about this year?

What ideas, basics of learning, principles need to be introduced this year?

How can we stretch our brains?

What books can we read?

What skills can be acquired?

3.Growing in favour with God

What scriptures do we want to memorize this year?

How can we increase in our love for the poor?

What does our prayer life look like as a family? as individuals?

What parts of the Bible do we want to learn this year?

What does worship look like?

What does serving look like this year?

4.Growing in favour with man

This is our INTENTIONAL character plan.

What areas of character need to be worked on?

How can we serve others?

What friends will we be making intentional effort with?

What area of family dynamics do we need to focus on (communication, conflict resolution, etc.)

I ask myself those questions.

And I pray some more.

I set up character and spiritual goals for the year.

I have a few educational and personal relationship goals.

I include my family in on this discussion, but Dad and I have final say so as to what we do.

Then I break down the goals month by month.

There aren't many goals. Just a few important ones.

And of course, as plans and goals go, they are adjustable and flexible with the unfolding of life.

What questions do you ask yourself?

Cinderelly, Cinderelly

Something you may not know about me is that I am a Cinderella freak.

I LOVE the story of Cinderella.

I *HEART* it.

Really. I have almost read every version of it. I have watched almost ever movie version made of it (except for cheap youtube knockoffs. A girl has GOT to have some standards!)

I love Cinderella.

There's just something about it that reminds me about my relationship with Jesus.

I was a broken mess. Fatherless and alone. Believing lies about myself. But then I met this Prince of Peace and had a radical encounter with Him that made me desperate for His love. And nothing could keep us apart. The end.

I just love Cinderella.

And so it will come as no surprise that now that there is a new version of Cinderella emerging, I am excited and stoked.

I have listened to this song (see video below) over a dozen times in the last hour. I many be approaching PATHETIC on the meter that gages COOLNESS.

This song is from the new film A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Song.

Confessions of a Lazy Mother

When I had my first baby, I eschewed the idea of routine.

I thought it was archaic and constricting.

When my daughter needed potty training, I was secretly glad she was in daycare because they trained her. I had very little to do with any of it.

When most mother's were putting there daughter's hair in braids, I let hers hang loose.

She didn't like getting it brushed and I wasn't really sure what to do with those hair tie thingies anyway.

And when it came to discipline, I acted like a sweet, old Grandfather who winked at mischief.

The truth was, I felt all thumbs. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have a very good sense of actually instructing my child in what to do and what not to do. I just kinda let things unfold and would be extremely puzzled when her behaviour was embarrassing and out of control.

Then she turned three, and the antics weren't quite so cute anymore.

Then she turned four and I moved away to a city where I knew no one and saw my husband only ten or twelve days out of the month. I didn't do a lot of parenting other than creating arts and crafts, reading books to her, tucking her in at night and feeding her food during the day.

Then she turned five and my husband and I realized we needed him home. He quit his job, we moved back to the city we loved, and we got used to seeing each other again. Only what my husband saw wasn't all that great. He saw a very undisciplined little girl and asked me what I had been doing all this time while he was gone. So I blamed her behaviour on his absence and made excuses for my poor parenting.

Then she turned six and the scales fell off my eyes and I realized that I had done a very poor job of training her or correcting her when she behaved obscenely. My daughter had no problem obeying her Dad, but I just didn't seem to have any ability to lead or direct her. I kind of held to the "Que sera sera theory", and the cracks were starting to appear.

Then one day, I realized that I needed to grow a back bone. The startling revelation struck during dinner at a new friend's place when my daughter's behaviour was atrocious and the other family's 5 year old asked me, "Aren't you going to discipline her?"

Wasn't that the question being asked of me all the time?

Yes, it was.

And so I realized I had to change.

But I'm slow to change. And so I spent a year feeling guilty for six years of being a lazy mother. I spent hours in thought and blamed everything on my childhood: I had never experienced consequences for behaving badly as a child.

And when I say never, I am not using it for dramatic effect.

I mean never.

I don't remember ever losing privileges, paying for anything I broke (and I blew two tires on the family car on the same day), or anything having to do with true discipline.

Basically, it was, "Say you are sorry." And then that was the end of it. Someone else cleaned the mess up and I went away thinking, "Well, that wasn't too bad."

I remember getting married and thinking I was the best thing since sliced bread, and wasn't my husband lucky to be married to someone who hardly ever made mistakes.

(I'll leave a pause here for you to start laughing uproariously at my selfishness!)

But you can only blame your childhood for so long. Eventually, you have to own up to what you have in front of you.I finally came to terms with the fact that training and correcting my child is my responsibility.

At this point, she's seven. So I took a few days to panic over the whole "The Years Before Six Form Your Whole Life" theory.

But I figure God is bigger than that theory and He is famously known for turning bad things around (see John 19-20 in the Bible for proof).

I started to take my role seriously. Inconsistently but seriously. The inconsistencies led to a lot of frustration. I felt disrespected continually and as a result became very angry.

An angry mother who shouted a lot.

And scowled.

Scowling brings on early wrinkles and I may have contracted a few of those.

I may have tried to soothe myself with chocolate as well.

This led me to pray, desperate for a solution.

And I attended a Mediated Learning workshop.

I learned all sorts of valuable things.

I heard one mother say at a workshop that she had a daughter who was headstrong. I perked up. I needed this woman's thoughts. She said, "My eldest needs her boundaries firm. And if I don't stay consistent, and let things slide once. I will need to be firm ten more times for her to believe that I mean it when I say, 'this is a boundary.'"

I almost burst into tears.

Someone just told me why inconsistency was the undoing of me.

I went home. I used what I learned. I mediated. I saw progress.

I kept mediating, kept being firm.

And then all hell broke loose.

My daughter kicked, fussed and made a huge stink about my new found backbone.

Only she made a stink in public.

She swore.

She hit me.

She yelled.

She's eight, remember. Not good. Not good at all.

And when I wanted to give up and crumple and cry, I decided to mediate. I asked questions. I found ways to make her think about her thinking. I wrote emails to Therese at the Wisdom office and whined. I called Therese on the phone and cried. My husband held me as I sobbed myself to sleep thinking, "I can't do this. What if she becomes a teenager who we have to send her away?"

I could see it as a possibility in my mind. I would be wearing jeans and a t-shirt and she would be driven in a car far away from me, giving me the finger and a defiant stare as she left. Then I would stare at the sidewalk and cry.

Well, I have a vivid imagination. I have to tell it stop many times. And this was one of them.

I had to believe that God would turn things around for us.

So I kept mediating.

And slowly we saw a change. It was very subtle, but I clung to it.

And then, we saw more change. A thoughtfulness emerging, an ability to use words to communicate that previously was not there.

And then just like spring appears brightly and unseemingly, so did my daughter. Where I thought I had created a monster, God did a change of heart and revealed my daughter.

Suddenly, things had changed. She was listening to me and I was listening to her.

It turns out, she goes into a rage when she feels that no one is listening to her.

Huh. How about that? Like mother, like daughter.

Interesting.

So, I listen now.

I listen to what she's saying and what she's not saying.

And she hears me now, and listens and obeys.

We both understand the truth tucked away in James 1:20 "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

We get it, and we're learning to live it. We fail and fall, but grace makes us stand again.

Grace will make you stand again, too.

I was a lazy mother when it came to correcting my children's hearts and attitudes.

But that was then.

I've come to live and breathe the truth of Hebrews 12: 12-13:

Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.

...in the real world

I've been musing over here in my corner of the world.

I read a statement in a magazine where a parent was talking about teaching their children about math by having them calculate the tip for the waitress. The story was concluded with the quote, "I think it's helping her learn that we use math in the real world."

The statement jumped out to me as I consider how often we make our learning (in particular, formal education held in a school building) seperate from life and real life application.

As in, there is learning...and then...there is life.

As homeschoolers, I think we change that idea and say: learning is life.

Thoughts?

My Drug of Choice

Reading novels is my drug of choice for a wearied and frazzled soul.

I love to escape into the mythical lands of authors who spin words and weave worlds.

It's a haven.

And yet...

Sometimes it's a crutch.

A false balm that I hope heals the panic my soul takes on when it needs comfort.

For the season of Lent, I committed to give up reading my private worlds in favour of spending more time in prayer. In favour of meditating on the Cross. And what it means...

...because His death and resurrection changes everything.

Everything.

I want God's great exchange.

All of Him for all of me.

So I will turn to Him to comfort my heart when it is tired and weary.

I will run to the Cross and wrap my arms around it and savour the way it changes everything.

Everything.

And I will listen to this song and sing to my beautiful King about how His wounds set me free.

The Emotional Toolbox

I have a friend who used to cut.

Self-injure and carve herself up in order to release emotional pain.

As I asked her to tell me about it, she explained that she had no way to release her emotions and had never been taught healthy ways to express her fear and anxiety.

It made me stop and think about Mediated Learning. It made me realize that when we are teaching the elements of Mediated Learning, we are filling our kids emotional tool box with skills that they need in order to express themselves in a healthy and positive way.

Think about it:

We use the Sharing technique...

Self-regulation....

Asking questions...

SENSE OF BELONGING....

And the list goes on.

I'm not saying the Mediated Learning is the cure for self-injury. I'm making a connection with the realization that we, as parents, need to teach our children how to handle the powerful emotions of pain, anxiety, fear, hurt, loneliness and rejection.

There is no better place to go to than to the One who was cut, whipped, carved, nailed and speared for all of the sins that try to hold us back from freedom.

His wounds, the round and gaping holes in His hands, will carefully handle all the fear and worry we throw His way.

His wounded body is my sense of belonging.

I belong to Him.

Lies Parents Believe

Lie: Things will never change with my child.

Every day we are bombarded with lies.

Our enemy, satan, is the father of lies. Lying and deception is a weapon he wields skillfully. And sometimes we buy the lie--hook, line and sinker.

But Christ has set us free from lies--for He is TRUTH.

An unyielding, unbending, strong and shining beacon of TRUTH.

And as He has said, "The truth will set us free."

Here is the truth regarding your child:

Change is possible.

You are not stuck in a rut. You are not going to have to just grin and bear the next five (or seven or twelve) years of your child's life until they are old enough to move out.

Change is possible.

How?

With God all things are possible.

You have Mediated Learning tools in your hands.

You see the potential, but you wonder if this will even work. Will it be just another thing to add to a growing list of "tried that, but it didn't work" ?

Can I challenge you on something?

Can I be bold with you?

Stop believing the lie that things will never change for you and your child.

Just stop it.

Repent.

Fall on your face before God and ask forgiveness for believing that you and your child are stuck.

You aren't stuck.

Change is possible.

And the first step toward change is a heart that can freely believe that with God all things are possible.

Honest Commitment to Mediated Learning

What does an honest commitment to Mediated Learning look like?

I've gotten the hang of asking my kids questions rather than telling them everything as a means of learning.

I've learned how to incorporate the Core and the Criteria of Mediated Learning into discussions with my children and even with my husband.

I'm now starting to wade into the "cognitive function" waters--to be honest, the notes have overwhelmed me and the books have seemed too big to handle.

The truth is that if I'm truly going to commit to having Mediated Learning in my home, I have to clean a few corners of my heart.

To use Mediated Learning in my home means that I need to serve my family in a way that may demand and require that I lay down my selfishness.

I love my time. Each day I have my own time. Time where I like to reflect, write, think, read, dream or pray. It's essential for me.

I am invigorated by quiet contemplation and planning.

Recently, I have been working on a project that is allowing me to pour myself creatively into something that has become special to me.

BUT...

and there's always a but...

But I'm also needing time to be a bit more thoughtful and prayerful about Mediated Learning in our home. What it looks like? How will I go about strengthening a certain cognitive function? What are we seeing that needs work on?

And that is going to require some of my time. The time I have set aside for me.

In truth, it probably won't take much time to think through a few things, to strategize and pray about how to spend time strengthening and mediating our family.

BUT,

and there's always a but...

there's a corner of my heart that is begrudging the fact that I need to lay myself aside.

It's that old selfish sin that demands, "I have a right to my time."

BUT,

and there's always a but...

following Christ's example, means laying down your rights and serving others around you.

So, to me...right now, an honest commitment to mediated learning looks like laying down my selfishness and serving my family in a new way.

It's time for change.

I think I've written a post or two on that.

Hmmm....time to practice what I preach--in a new and deeper way.

Join me as it all unfolds.

Six o'clock scheduling news

(cue scary and intense sounding 6 o'clock news music)

Good evening.

This late bulletin has just been handed to me.

(glance down at important looking document and raise face to the camera with an expression of grave concern)

Everything you thought you knew; and everything you have been told about scheduling:

Junk it.

Scrap it.

File 13 it.

(Lean in toward the camera to indicate an intense informational moment is upon the viewer)

Here's what we know:

For years, the homeschooling mother has been told to schedule, schedule,schedule.

Make everything into half hour time slots and run your household like a military training regime--verbage use of referring to time in 1300 hours is optional.

The pressed upon mother feels a sense of defeat when she is constantly behind the clock.

Oh sure, it worked for a few days. But then life got in the way and she found herself pulling out her hair and positive that she just needed to get her act together but feeling like she never could.

A document surfaced today releasing the following statement:

Routine over Schedule.

We go live now to blogger 5minutemom to find out what this is all about.

5minutemom: Thank you, Lloyd.

Today's breakthrough for homeschool moms is an exciting day in the history books and hallowed halls known as "Peace of Mind."

I'm rallying a group of women to rise to the cause of scrapping this non-sensical 'schedule' idea.

This whole "schedule" idea stems from the mythological idea of time management. Time management was created so that we could STUFF as many things as possible into our day--you know, get all our responsibilities done, work on all our relationships and really enjoy life.

Lloyd: And you're saying that's no longer effective.

5minutemom: That's exactly, what I'm saying, Lloyd. It's time to scrap the schedule. It's not about how many things can I CRAM into a day--that's not enjoying life.

Lloyd: But,surely, a schedule helps people stay on track with what they need to do.

5minutemom: Well, Lloyd, we're not talking about any kind of people here. We're talking about homeschool moms. And while you do have a point about staying on track with day-to-day events outside the home, I want to suggest a new and radical concept.

(silence for a moment to build anticipation of this groundbreaking concept)

5minutemom: Routine.

Lloyd: Routine? Did I hear that right?

5minutemom: You did, Lloyd. And before you get skeptic on me and say 'Isn't that the same thing as schedule?" Let me assure, emphatically: it. is. not.

Routine means having an order to things. Doing things in the exact same order every single time you do it. Schedule means having a time slot allotted to each and every waking moment, and even a time slot for sleep. Routine doesn't punch a time clock--scheduling does.

Lloyd: Can you give us an example?

5minutemom: I never thought you'd ask, Lloyd. Let's take the morning routine at my home.

We get up, get dressed, make our bed, brush our hair, and then eat breakfast.

Simple and effective.

The old way of doing things would have us living by a schedule that says:

7 am Wake up and get ready for the day

followed by

7:15 am Eat Breakfast

But Lloyd, what happens when you wake up at 8 am because you were all up late enjoying a visit with friends until wee hours of the morning. Or a child is sick in the night and you need a half hour more rest before you can face the day. Do you know what happens, Lloyd?

Lloyd: Your schedule gets messed up?

5minutemom: Exactly! BUT, if you have a routine that you stick to, it won't matter what time you get up because you can just do the morning routine and then jump into life. The routine remains the same no matter what time you get up. No matter what time you go to bed. No matter how many times Fed Ex comes to your door with something you ordered. Routine stays in place even though time marches on.

Lloyd: This is a radical concept. Do you think the homeschooling world will join you?

5minutemom: Well, not everyone will. Scheduling works well for some people and that's ok. They can do their thing. I just need to get the word out that there's a new way to go about having order in your home. Actually, it's an old way but it's gone out of style and I'm bringing it back.

Lloyd: Wow! You're bringing back retro ideas and giving them a new spin. If only you could do that in regards to men wearing fedora type hats in public again.

5minutemom: One crusade at a time, Lloyd. One crusade at a time.

Lloyd: Thank you, 5minutemom.

This has been an important bulletin to let the homeschooling community know. Schedule is out, routine is in. Routine is the new schedule. Update your iphone and go tell the world.

Goodnight

(cue scary and intense sounding 6 o'clock news music)

Beauty is Skin Deep and Deep Skin is Not Beauty

Today this thought ran through my head as I looked in the mirror:

Perhaps today is the day that starts to show my neglect of moisturizer from the first few years of my twenties.

I know, I know.

Moisturizer is the key to great skin.

And yet, I have pores the size of craters on the moon.

I do not have porcelain smooth skin or an alabaster brow.

This immediately rules me out as being a heroine in a western romance novel or the nemesis in a dime store fashionista book.

I'm ok with that.

**********

With little warning my hubby mentioned that we needed to leave for his appointment in 15 minutes today.

And then this thought ran through my head:

Why, oh why, did I have a luxurious bath last night instead of the practical one where I wash my hair?

No matter. Oily hair can be semi-disguised by a quick ponytail.

I know, I know.

Lather, rinse, REPEAT is what makes shiny hair.

And yet, I do not have silken hair that the sun shines off.

This rules me out of participating in Pantene Pro-V commercials and pointless hair dye magazine ads.

I'm ok with that.

**********

And when my kids were yelling in the back of the car planning the start of WW3, this thought ran through my head:

Lord, give me strength.

Instead of yelling at my kiddos, I gently told them to be quiet and asked questions to seek solution, rather than just arrive at silence 'because I said so!!!'

This may have qualified me for actually living out 1 Peter 3:4: Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

And I'm ok with that.

Left in a place of Success

As we are dealing with my husband's injury, a few challenges have arisen.

First, is that our daily routine is out the window.

I'm not an anal routine follower. But, like most people, I like when things have a certain order and comfortability to things. That's a distant memory it seems.

Then there is the sleep issue.

My husband has been waking up many times in the night in pain. I wake up with him.

When I awake in the morning, I am a grumpy bear.

Grunting or barking orders at all family members.

I put up this little reminder on my chalkboard door:

LEAVE CHILDREN IN A PLACE OF SUCCESS

Being sleep deprived I found I would easily get frustrated with them, couldn't understand why simple concepts weren't being grasped, wondering why they were barking back at me (surely, they haven't learned it from me???!?)

I wrote the note on the board so that I would be reminded that if I started to get frustrated to just end the session in a place of success.

Where our life is right now, is not the time to push on through tough areas. I just don't have the time to invest working through the cognitive issues.

And while I know this will only last another week more, I can put aside the feeling that I must make my child learn this now.

So, instead of sighing, I started smiling and saying, "Way to go, Champ. We're stopping here today. Proud of you."

Later in the afternoon, I was running back into the house for the fourth time wondering if I forgot anything else. I felt weary, worn, and frustrated by my brain not thinking as fast as it normally does.

I came close to tears. "Please God. Help me. I'm trying. I really am. It's taking all my energy not to yell at my kids right now because I'm tired and irritated by every noise they make. I just came in here to take a deep breath and calm down."

And then softly and gently, like only my Heavenly Father can, I heard Him softly say, "Way to go, Champ. Let's stop here today and take that breath. I'm proud of you for not losing your temper."

God is the perfect parent and we can follow his lead and leave our kids in a place of success.

I changed my blackboard door. It now reads:

Criteria Focus: Challenge

Blessings and Blind Eyes

Do you ever start your new school year thinking everything will magically click together today because, in theory, TODAY is a NEW day?

I did that today.

You would think I would know better. After all, this is my third year schooling my kiddos.
But apparently I don't know better.

Sigh--a sign of things to come? I hope not.
Rather, I will admit that, there have been some character issues that I was secretly hoping would disappear.
A wish to build a dream on.

That's a silly thought to think that the character issues would go away--they usually tend to grow bigger.
Which is exactly what has happened in my case.
My picture of a wonderful first day of being back into learning was quickly soured when met with attitude, temper and unloving actions.

Sigh--a sign of things to come? I hope not.

I pray. A lot.

And give myself a little pep talk, "Be the parent!"

I open the door and resolve to solve our tensions.

When my patience is thin, I assign a Bible verse to memorize and write out. I prefer it rather than angry exchange of words with my child.

Mediated Learning works perfectly for discussing character and scripture. It's so wonderful to go in and meet with my child's heart by asking the questions and listening to their response. Not the response we want them to give, but listening to the one that they truly speak out .

After every time of tension with this particular child, we will pray together and then I will bless her.

Because I believe this is just a season, just another hurdle to jump over and there is a blessing to be found in it. And I want that child to hear that my heart is grateful that our conflicts are the entry point to deeper relationship with each other.
I also want them to hear that I'm not giving up.

Especially if it's only the beginning of the school year.