Monday, May 10, 2010

Burnt--like a steak that's been BBQ'd much too long

Can you relate to this?

"I went on hiatus in April . I emotionally just checked out. I had completely checked out. I counted coloring on the windows as art. If my eldest looked at the clock twice a day, I considered it math and if the kids played outside I figured science was bound to be happening. I just went away and got novels from the library and read all day.
And then I got a call from Joyce saying Louis was coming and there was all this pressure to make a portfolio or at least round up the work we did. And I wanted to collapse and cry and give myself "Failed Mom of the Year" Award. I hope it's a chocolate trophy and I can just eat it.
I have no qualms about that."
Sometimes, as a stay at home homeschooling mom, I hit these 'times' where I am emotionally bankrupt and I can't give any more. So I don't. I hibernate inside a book and barely grunt at the kids while they do their math page. I go through the motions of giving them lessons in art but I don't engage with them.

So...Out comes the mediational tools.
Why am I like this?
How did I get here?
What is lacking from my life that was here before?

The answer is prayer.
My time of prayer has gone to the way-side.
I had a disciplined prayer life...and then we had a busy weekend and came home to so much laundry that my prayer time soon became a prayer moment in between"Set the alarm for tomorrow" and "Good night dear".
Then I fought with myself and said, "I don't have time to pray."

Even I know that is a LAME excuse.

Jesus spent all day pouring Himself out and serving people.
That is the high calling that I have here in my home.
If Jesus needed to rise early and hide Himself away with the Father, then I do too.

Prayer gives me a chance to lay my burdens down, and just focus on loving my King. I get refreshed when I lift His name high and lay all my concerns down. I get strengthened as I wait on the Lord. Hmmm...sounds like a promise from Scripture.

If you are emotionally bankrupt as a mom and homeschooling mama, then I'd like to ask you to think about a few things.

How much time do you spend in prayer?
Prayer was a daily spiritual discipline for Jesus--why would you need to follow His example?

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